


In the dead waste and middle of the night

by vass



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8393314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vass/pseuds/vass
Summary: Another visitor for Basnaaid.





	

" _Whatever I desire_ is, right now, for you to go away and never speak to me again."  
"As the citizen wishes," she says stiffly, makes an exaggerated bow, and leaves. Fuck. This will be all over Horticulture by the end of my shift, and have spread to everyone else I know by tomorrow. Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her.

"That was mean," a soft voice says. I look up and glare before I even take note of the person's accent. Which is my own, or rather, is the accent I spent years learning to overcome. My parents' accent, although theirs is thicker.

Another fucking military officer. Younger than me, but not a baby like the purple-eyed lieutenant trailing the fleet captain. Early to mid twenties, maybe. Enough like me in looks for me to picture myself there in her uniform, fulfilling my parents' hopes and fears. Tallish, slight, with short, neat hair, carefully applied cosmetics, long brown coat and shiny boots. Mostly transparent. That's odd.

I wonder exactly how much mental unsteadiness it takes before Station turns a citizen in for reeducation, and whether I'll get better treatment if I just go over to Medical myself and tell a doctor I'm seeing things that aren't there.

"You don't know me, do you?" she says sadly.

I don't answer. There's only one person she could be, although I hadn't seen video of her in years before she died.

"Are you happy?" she asks. "You look happy. Are Mama and Mother all right?" I roll my eyes. No, you idiot, of course they're not all right. You disappeared. Mother still hasn't given up believing you're alive, Aunt Sivaw keeps feeding her conspiracy theories about how maybe you're a Special Missions agent now or captured by aliens, and it's been twenty years and Mama still hasn't let her hair grow back in after the funeral. Which Mother didn't go to, because it would be _bad luck_ for you.

And now you're a ghost. Which must mean you're dead now, although I don't know if it happened back when you disappeared or just recently.

"Back when I disappeared," she says. "I'm sorry. It can't have been easy for you and Mama and Mother. I'm so sorry."  
You can hear what I'm thinking? Well, that's a clearer indication that I'm hallucinating. Or dreaming, I suppose. Why now, anyway? Did seeing yet another of your suitors make me lose my grip altogether? Oh dear. Provincial blood will show, as I'm sure Citizen Fosyf will tell everyone.

"I came with her," my sister's ghost says. "The fleet captain. She can't see me. Nobody could before you."  
How nice for me.  
"You weren't this sarcastic when I was alive."  
I was nine years old last time you were alive.

But all right, let me think. You came with the fleet captain. Why are you haunting her? Why are you haunting anyone? Am I supposed to avenge you?  
"Don't hurt her!" Her mouth opens and closes a few times. "All right, I can't tell you what happened. But I don't want you to avenge me. I think... in an odd way, I think I'm still here to help her."  
Well, that's just great.

Think, Basnaaid. You're the one who had a proper education. All right. If I'm not hallucinating you, tell me something you know that I don't, something I can verify later.  
"Her first lieutenant's in love with her."

What?

"It was the first thing that came to mind. Well, not quite. But the first thing that would be easy for you to verify. Next time you get a chance to listen to some gossip from her crew, see if they don't say her Amaat lieutenant has a thing for her."

Am I supposed to offer my felicitations?

"I can't tell how the fleet captain feels about her lieutenant. Only that they're very close and everyone thinks she's kneeling to her, but she isn't."  
I see. Like everyone thinks you were kneeling to that Awer, or to this fleet captain, but you weren't.

She squirms. "I can't believe Skaaiat did that. Offered you clientage, I mean." She pauses. "What did you think of her?" And I can see a flush high up on her light brown, transparent cheeks.  
Are you serious? You mean you and that Awer really were...  
"I wasn't _kneeling_!"  
I never said you were.  
"She was _Justice of Ente_ 's Seven Issa lieutenant. We were the same rank on different ships, we were assigned to different cities. There was no impropriety! And she didn't say a word to me about clientage!"  
Which is why you're so eager to know my opinion of her, and why she offered _me_ clientage in your memory.  
"We were lovers. It was fun. She was sophisticated and clever and she seemed really impressed with my competence. Not like a performing animal, but like she'd have been impressed no matter who I was. I didn't try to fool myself there was a future in it. But I couldn't stop hoping that one day..."

Oh Awn. You would. I'm sorry, my sister. If I had known that, well, I probably would have still told her to go jump in the lake, but I'd have kept trying to be polite for longer. Am I going to have do the same for this fleet captain? Was she your lover as well?

"She never told me how she felt. I had no idea."  
Huh. And if you had known?  
"No, no, it was impossible. We could never have been more than friends. But listen. She told you she wanted to make sure you were safe and secure. If you ever feel you're in danger, please take her up on that. Please, Basnaaid."

And with that she flickers and disappears. Relief at my sister's disappearance is not an emotion I thought I would ever experience.

*

The next time I see her, Captain Hetnys has a knife to my throat. Awn doesn't say anything. She just watches, helpless as I am.

*

In the shuttle, I watch the Mercy of Kalrs fuss around the injured. I can't stop thinking about the Undergarden, the lake, all that destruction. Those three saplings I put in yesterday. I was going to check on them today, see if the drainage was treating them well in their new location, if they needed extra water. I don't suppose they'll need any extra water now. I feel cold and numb. A soldier puts a blanket around my shoulders. I focus on the people.

A Bo soldier fidgeting with a house affinity pin on her collar.

A Kalr soldier, warily watching the _Atagaris_ ancillaries.

The lieutenant in charge of the shuttle, whose eyes follow the fleet captain like she's praying. Oh. Wait. Awn said something about the fleet captain's Amaat lieutenant, didn't she? That she was in love with her captain. Yes, I can see that. It's probably visible from space.

I've misjudged her, haven't I?

*

Fleet Captain Breq tells me her true name. As if to underscore her words, my sister slowly comes into view next to her, almost invisible at first. She isn't looking at me. She is looking at the fleet captain, at her former ship. She is weeping. When Breq falls silent and turns away from me, Awn reaches out a transparent arm and tries, fails, to touch her.

*

She appears again the next time I'm alone.

She _killed_ you?  
Awn is still crying. I try to think of what I can do for her, but there's nothing I can. There's nothing anyone can. She's dead.  
"I can't tell you the rest," she says. "You'll have to ask her."  
Oh, I will.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a year ago, and it seemed unfinished, so I left it until I could figure out where to go with it. Then I dusted it off this year and decided it was finished enough after all. Happy Halloween.


End file.
